First Word

Mom: Honey! Get the digital camera! I think Sean Aaron's about to say his first word!

Dad: Oh wow! Look, I can put this little mic up here next to his mouth. I can record three whole minutes of sound.

Mom: You hear that little Sean Aaron...you can say any 'wittle thing you want. Go on. Go ahead sweetums! Do it for Mommy! Say Mommy!

Dad: Daddy! Say Daddy, Sean Aaron!

Mom: Don't rush him! I want this to be organic.

Dad: Come on Hon, a little coaching never hurt anyone. Oh look he's about to say something!

Sean Aaron: Bu...

Mom: Bu? Bug? Buggy?

Dad: Maybe he said "blue". Like his favorite color.

Sean Aaron: Buk...

Mom: Hang on! He's not finished! Come on Sean Aaron! You can do it!

Sean Aaron: Bukake!

Mom:...

Dad:...

Sean Aaron: Buuukaake!

Mom: He didn't say that.

Dad: I think that was it. He meant to say "Bug".

Mom: It could've been "bunny". He might be saying "bunny".

Dad: I'm ready to go with bunny.

Mom: Bunny is fine.

Sean Aaron: Bukake!

Mom:...

Dad:...

Sean Aaron: Bukake! Bukake! Bukake!

Mom: Fuck...thats his first word.

Dad: What the hell are we supposed to do? We can't write that in the family Bible!

Mom: Of course we're not writing that in the family Bible! We just half to teach him some new words before your parents come over tonight.

Dad: We can just put him to bed early can't we?

Mom: And what? Have him yell it into the baby monitor while we're having dinner?

Dad: How the Hell did he even learn that...that word anyway?

Mom: Steve, did you buy a dirty movie off the cable box?! We're you watching Cinemax in the same room with our son?!

Dad: No! We don't even get Cinemax! He must've picked up somewhere else.

Mom: Oh God...if it were any other word. Cock, shit , ass, fuck! Any other word we could pussy foot around...but how the Hell do we explain...explain that to him when he gets older!

Dad: Your brother.

Mom: What?

Dad: Your brother had him a whole afternoon this weekend while we went antiquing.

Mom: Do you think? Oh my God!

Dad: I'm calling him. I'm calling right now.

Mom: Ask him! Ask him right away!

Jeff: Hello?

Dad: Jeff.

Jeff: Steve? How ya doin bud-

Dad: Did you watch any pornography while you had Sean Aaron last Saturday?

Jeff: Did I wha-

Mom: Ask him what he watched!

Dad: What did you watch Jeff?

Jeff: Well isn't that a little...

Dad: It's an emergency Jeff. We have to know.

Jeff: It's not like he was in the room or anything. I put him down for a nap and just kept the door open a creak so I could hear him.

Dad: Stop screwing around Jeff. What did you watch?

Jeff: Well...Uhh, before you guys came by I rented these two tapes.

Dad: Two pornographic movies?

Mom: Oh my God...Oh my fucking God!

Jeff: The first one..well uhh it was called "American Booty". It was like that Kevin Spacey except all the girls were in college instead of High School so it wasn't so hinky.

Dad: And the other one?

Jeff: I had the volume on real low and there's now way he could've seen anything from his crib.

Dad: The other one?

Jeff: Bukake Mania Volume Six.

Dad: Bukake Mania?!

Mom: Oh God! Oh my fucking God! Give me the phone Steve! Give it now!

Dad: Here jus-

Mom: Jeff! You worthless fuck! You ruined our son! Your hear that Jeff! You son of a...son of FUCK!

Jeff: Sheryl calm down! It was an accident! I didn't mean for anything to...

Mom: If I catch you anywhere near Sean Aaron again I'm going to fucking nail your ass to the...

Sean Aaron: Fuck!

Mom:...

Dad:...

Sean Aaron: Fuck! Fuck!

Mom & Dad: Thank God.