The Return of Robot-Monster

Tokyo University, 1967-Five years after the city was almost destroyed by the unstoppable killing force known only as "Robot-Monster".

Professor Saki: But I don't understand these readings! They can't be true! They just can't!

Professor Yoshida: What can't be true?

Professor Saki: The readings! The ones I just took from the seis-monotron!

Professor Yoshida: You mean.... the seis-monotron readings?

Professor Saki: Yes.

Professor Yoshida: Oh sorry, totally zoned out there. Go ahead.

Professor Saki: The readings seem indicate that not only is Robot-Monster back on Earth but he's heading towards the city as we speak!

Professor Yoshida: Oh...yeah that's pretty bad. Isn't it?

Professor Saki: Well yes...if you do recall from five years ago. He is eight hundred feet tall, has titantium skin and eyebeams that melt anything in their path.

Professor Yoshida: And he has missles where his hair should be.

Professor Saki: I was getting to that.

Professor Yoshida: Well I just thought the missle thing would be a bit more obvious. I mean how many times do you see something with missles for hair. He had like a whole beard of missles!

Professor Saki: I said I was getting to that!

Yoko: Professor Saki! Professor Yoshida!

Professor Saki: Yoko! What are you doing here? Why didn't you evacuate with the others!

Yoko: I couldn't leave you behind! Not with Robot-Monster's return! Professor Yoshida, I want to help you in any way I can, help to destroy Robot Monster! To avenge my mother's death!

Professor Yoshida: You mean Robot-Monster killed your mother?

Yoko: Yes...it melted her with it's eyebeams, right inside her own house.

Professor Yoshida: So it melted the whole house too?

Yoko: Well yes...

Professor Yoshida: So how can you be sure it wasn't the melting house that killed her? I mean she may have been melted after she died from drowning in liquid house?

Yoko: Oh my God...I guess I never thought of that.

Professor Yoshida: Yeah, Robot-Monster may have just melted your mothers corpse.

Professor Saki: Yoshida please! Now is not the time! You need to prepare your Gravity Catapult for immediate use.

Professor Yoshida: Well about that...

Professor Saki: If it was able to hurl Robot-Monster into the sun last time, then a stronger blast may be able to hurl him clear of the solar system. From what you've told us about it may be our only chance to rid Earth of Robot-Monster once and for all!

Professor Yoshida: ...you see I kinda lied about that.

Professor Saki: About what?

Professor Yoshida: Preeeeeetty much the whole thing. The Gravity Catapult, the intense battle, the part where I said I hurled Robot-Monster into the heart of the sun. Yeah...pretty much all of it.

Yoko: But...you can't be serious. The government gave you 700 trillion yen to build that catapult and stop Robot-Monster!

Professor Yoshida: Well I did kinda use the money to stop him.

Professor Saki: Yoshida...

Professor Yoshida: Truth is...Robot Monster rolled up and I totally blanked. I had like nothing, zip, nada... except for the grant check.

Yoko: Then...well how did you stop Robot-Monster?

Professor Saki: And what became of the money?

Professor Yoshida: Weeeell...

From a distance, Yoko and Professors Yoshida and Saki on the bow of an escape boat, watching as Robot-Monster blows up Mount Fuji with barrage of beard missles.

Yoko: Robot-Monster seems so much larger now that what I remember of him.

Professor Yoshida: Well yeah it's the scones you know. They're like eating seven pieces of bread each. He probably really went nuts on them.

Professor Saki: I can't believe you did this...under all of our noses. You used the 700 trillion yen to put Robot-Monster up at a New England bed and breakfast for five years.

Professor Yoshida: Well yeah...geeez. I didn't see you coming up with any ideas. It was just the first thing that popped into my head as he was about to melt our lab.

Yoko: You've damned us all.

Professor Yoshida: Well if the government would've approved my next grant I could've put him up for another five years! Not my fault man! I came up with a solution! Sure I fudged a details a bit...but hey it sort of worked.

Professor Saki: Oh my God! Thats my home! Oh my God he's melting it! He's melting my family!

Professor Yoshida: Well how can you be sure he's not just melting their corpses?

Professor Saki:......

THE END